Freedom from Pornography

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to our church family about "Purity for Life," looking specifically at Jesus' words, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Matthew 5:8). "Purity for Life" aligns with Milestone 4 in our Legacy Milestone Model. The topic of purity is massive, covering areas of the heart, areas of the physical body, areas of our spiritual walk, relationships, media consumption, and so on. An area where I am seeing purity being compromised more and more is with pornography. Porn use by self-identified Christians is not much different than porn use among non-Christians. And the effects of porn can be devastating to relationships, future and present, and even to the brain's chemistry. Check out this free ebook from CovenantEyes.com on what those effects actually look like.

If you are finding that you or someone you love is struggling with pornography, there is hope and you are not alone. Below are links to some very helpful places online that can help you take those steps to freedom. Being part of a trusted community where accountability is available can be a crucial piece of overcoming this struggle. Praying that you or your loved ones can find the freedom that Jesus offers!

• XXX Church offers free pornography addiction help to those who need it. They do this through blogs, videos, and other resources.
• Free Indeed Ministries offers programs and resources to inviduals and to the local church to help "preserve our culture" and to "proclaim freedom to the captives." 
• Covenant Eyes provides Internet accountability and filtering along with great articles and resources to help overcome some of the difficulties of living in a world that is online. 
• Every staff member at Pure Life Ministries  is fully committed to bringing the hope, healing, and restoration found only in Christ to those who have been touched by the leprosy of sexual sin. Their site is filled with helpful resources and testimonials.
• iParent is a great site that helps families keep up to speed with the latest apps, games, devices, and social media trends. It's a must-visit site if you have children who have smartphones or any kind of digital device. 

If you have a Right Now Media account, this presentation from Sean McDowell called "Kids, Teens, and Pornography" was very eye-opening. https://www.rightnow.org/Training/Post/View/770104

Our senior high youth went through this series from Doug Fields called "The Truth about Sex" (on Right Now Media but also available in other formats): https://www.rightnow.org/Media/Series/4 

Here's Your Sign!

Sometimes I have random thoughts that go through my head, and today's revolves around a sign that Christ-followers may benefit from having near their televisions, laptops, on their phones and tablets. Psalm 101:3 seems like it was written just for today's media-drenched culture. I've included a number of different translations below to get a feel for the "flavor" of the verse. How do you and your family maintain purity before the Lord as far as what enters your eyes?

New International Version
I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.

Amplified
I will set no base or wicked thing before my eyes. I hate the work of them who turn aside [from the right path]; it shall not grasp hold of me.

New Living Translation
I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them.

English Standard Version
I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.

New American Standard Bible 
I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not fasten its grip on me.

King James Bible
I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

Holman Christian Standard Bible
I will not set anything worthless before my eyes. I hate the practice of transgression; it will not cling to me.

International Standard Version
I will not even think about doing anything lawless; I hate to do evil deeds; I will have none of it.

NET Bible
I will not even consider doing what is dishonest. I hate doing evil; I will have no part of it.

GOD'S WORD® Translation
I will not put anything wicked in front of my eyes. I hate what unfaithful people do. I want no part of it.

Jubilee Bible 2000
I will set nothing of Belial before my eyes: I hate the work of those that betray; it shall not cleave to me.

King James 2000 Bible
I will set no wicked thing before my eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

American Standard Version
I will set no base thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; It shall not cleave unto me.

Darby Bible Translation
I will set no thing of Belial before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

English Revised Version
I will set no base thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave unto me.

World English Bible
I will set no vile thing before my eyes. I hate the deeds of faithless men. They will not cling to me.

Young's Literal Translation
I set not before mine eyes a worthless thing, The work of those turning aside I have hated, It adhereth not to me.

Does Your Child Have a Second Job?

According to a lot of the research "out there", kids are spending an average of eight hours per day consuming media. That's a full-time job with overtime! Fifty-six hours a week. Now I realize that this is an average, so if your children are not in this category, FANTASTIC! But consider with me the fact that this IS an accurate representation of many homes and many families in our nation. With the easy accessibility of YouTube, Netflix, Facebook, search engines, and all forms of apps, kids literally can have anything (and anyone!) right at their fingertips. That should give us cause to pause...

Do you want your child to be able to easily access images their mind is not yet ready to process?

Do you want your child to be able to "follow" people you don't know or have never heard of?

Do you want your child to have unfettered access to everything that is on the Internet?

My experience is that parents unanimously answer those questions with a resounding NO! But the next question is the clincher: so what are you doing about it?

There is no doubt that this generation knows their way around this tech-soaked world much better than you and I ever will. They are often referred to as "digital natives." They know the language, they know how to navigate to all the unknown places, and they can do it all very efficiently, with one hand tied behind their back! :-)

You and I are are NOT digital natives. We are more like digital visitors. Or digital transplants. In the colloquialism of our county in northern Maine, you and I are "from away" digitally speaking. However, that is not an excuse to ignore what these natives are doing. Take some time to familiarize yourself with the devices you have allowed your children to use. What apps are they using? Talk to a local geek or your Internet service provider about how to secure your system at home as much as possible.

And ultimately, build relationship with your child so you can help to form his or her heart into one that loves the Lord, that makes good decisions because they want to, because they desire to live a life that is holy and pleasing before the Lord.

My Faceoff with Facebook

Recently, I had a four-week "soul sabbatical" during which time I was able to focus on the restoration of my soul, renewing my passion for ministry to students and their families, and reminding myself of who I am in Christ. During that time, I decided to de-activate my Facebook account, and I have to tell you that was a VERY good decision. Now, I'm not a Facebook "hater." In fact, I find it a wonderful way to keep in touch with family and friends who are far away. However...(you knew that was coming, right?) :-)

I have been on Facebook for over seven years now, and I have "survived" the myriad changes that it has gone through from its earliest days until now. A very quick Google search will give you loads of headlines about the social experiments that Facebook has been conducting and the massive amounts of data they're collecting on their users. And the crazy thing? We users are very quick to tell the Facebook universe every detail of our lives...where we've been, where we'll be, what we'll be doing, who we'll be hanging out with, and what we look like while doing all of that. Can you say narcissism?

So, my Facebook was de-activated for four weeks...that's 28 days...just enough time to form a new habit. And I have! You know what I discovered while being away from Facebook? My life (and your life, and my friends' lives) all went on! You know what else I discovered? No one was pining away because I wasn't there. When I did return, there was no ticker tape parade welcoming me back. Facebook, it seems, has the ability to warp our view of the world around us. "Likes" are how we can start to judge ourselves. More "likes" means I'm liked more. Ummm, not really. We can also tend to put our "life's best" on Facebook. Whoever has seen selfies of what you look like when you wake up in the morning? Or while you're dealing with a bout of the flu? Someone once said that Facebook was like a "highlights reel" of people's lives...not the "behind the scenes" or "bloopers reel."

I'm now back on Facebook, but my usage is MUCH less than it used to be. I'm using it primarily during the daytime hours for work-related communications and for keeping up with those closest to me. And it's feeling good!

What about you? How does Facebook effect your life? What about your kids?

Head-in-Sand Syndrome

One of my passions in life is to help parents and caregivers understand the depths of the dangers and temptations that are facing today's young people, primarily in the form of online media and social networking. It seems that nearly every day there are new ways to connect, new ways to chronicle your daily happenings, and myriad ways of sharing that with people you know (and don't know!). How in the world does one keep up with all of these changes? Well the short answer is that you probably won't. BUT I bet the kids in your life will be! They know the latest apps and the latest fads because they are "natives" to that world. Those of us who are older are "just visiting" or "foreigners" in that world--we're still trying to learn the language and learn how to navigate.

Do you know what the biggest danger in this new world is? Ignorance. Hence my title, "Head-in-Sand Syndrome." Parents and caregivers, please please please make sure you are keeping yourself educated. I'm not talking about becoming experts on everything that's out there, but at least take the time to make yourself aware of some of the latest trends in tech and online activity. And especially make sure that you're making regular checks of your child's devices. Anything that connects to the Internet has the potential to connect with the world, and with that comes a lot of "open doors" into areas where children and young people should not be traveling.

So where do you start? How about this article on the "7 Dangerous Apps That Parents Need to Know About." Another great site is Focus on the Family's PluggedIn.com. They review movies, TV shows, video games, and music...all from a Christian and biblical worldview. The Digital Kids Initiative is another great online resource that provides up-to-date info about all the cultural trends that are bombarding today's youth.

Bottom line? Don't bury your head in the sand hoping that the issues with technology will go away. We are in a culture where just the opposite is happening, and our responsibility as adults is HUGE! We need to protect our kids. We need to educate our kids (and ourselves). And we need to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves in this ever-changing culture.

Digital Dangers

Here I am, on my laptop, using the Internet, to tell you about digital dangers. Yes, I see the irony in that. :-) Today on the radio, Focus on the Family's daily broadcast had a panel of experts who were sharing findings from a variety of research that points to the increasingly noticeable issues being discovered in young people from the over-use of technology, smart phones, video games, etc. And they've even given a name to this new condition: "Digital Dementia." I don't know about you, but it's rather alarming that children are being "diagnosed" with a condition that is typically associated with senior citizens.

Check out this article from some research that's been conducted in South Korea (an area in the world especially connected to all things technology-related).

The Focus on the Family broadcast and the article are well worth the time to listen and read. If you have young children especially, please consider how much your children live a "virtual" life versus interacting with the world around them. Did you know the use of technology (especially at early ages) actually effects how children's brains develop? That's alarming to me. My husband, a software developer, discourages the use of technology in young children. Instead of downloading a coloring book app, just use a REAL coloring book and crayons. Revolutionary thinking, huh?

So, bottom line, examining your child's use of technology is something that needs to occur on a regular basis. Technology is not going away. The Internet is not going to get "friendlier" over time. Parents, your only option is to be aware.

A Little Birdie Told Me...

Twitter. Tweet. A few years ago, those two words had very different definitions and connotations than they do in our tech-centric culture. I'm on Twitter, and I've found it to be an amazing tool when it comes to keeping current in ministry trends and staying in touch with what's happening "out there" in the church ministry world. It's wonderful to be able to hear from great leaders and thinkers in the Christian realm and stay current, all the while being tucked away here in northern Maine.

That being said, I've recently observed an entirely other "dark side" of the Twitterverse.  It seems that many teens (and preteens) are migrating from Facebook updates to Tweets. (Or they're "living" in both worlds.) And the disturbing thing? The person they represent on Twitter may be VERY different from the person on Facebook or in "real life", usually for the worse. Vulgarity, promiscuity, perversity, profanity...these are some of the words to describe what I've noticed. In fact, here's a personal Tweet of mine from yesterday, January 30: "Twitter seems to be becoming the new "Secret Life of the American Teenager". :-/ "

So, parents--are your kids on Twitter? If you say no, are you sure? Who are your kids following on Twitter? Who is following your kids? These are all individuals who will influence and impact your child and his or her worldview. It's worth it to pay attention to their online habits and make sure you're "in the know."

Now You See Me...

Snapchat Icon

...now you don't! That could well be the byline for a relatively new app called Snapchat (available for iPod touches, iPads, and Android devices). The premise of the app is that you take a picture of yourself, send it to a friend, and it disappears in seconds, never to be seen again. If you look up its rating on the App Store, you'll find it's suggested for people 12 and older for these reasons: Infrequent/Mild Profanity or Crude Humor; Infrequent/Mild Alcohol, Tobacco, or Drug Use or References; Infrequent/Mild Mature/Suggestive Themes; Infrequent/Mild Sexual Content or Nudity.

Now a picture app seems relatively harmless, right? Think again. Apparently a major use of this app has been for sexting, that "practice" of taking sexually provocative pictures and sending them to someone else. You have probably heard the horror stories of people who have sent inappropriate pictures of themselves to "friends" only to see them plastered in the school hallways or on Facebook. Snapchat takes away that concern. Now you can take a picture, send it along, and determine how many seconds it can be viewed. According to a recent article, something like 50 million "snaps" are sent each day!

So what's the bottom line for parents? Make sure you know what your kids are doing online. What apps are they using? What are the ratings of those apps? (Remember, these are apps that are rated according to secular standards.) How are they using these apps? How do you monitor their online behavior? It's not an easy job by any stretch, but it's certainly worth it to make sure you're doing all you can to be "in the know" about your child's online safety.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Who doesn't have a cell phone these days, right?! Five year olds to fifty year olds, everyone "needs" a cell phone. iPhone. Android. Smart phones. Not-so-smart phones. They're everywhere! In the car, at school, at home, in the grocery store, in the bathroom! So what's a parent to do to make sure their child is safe and responsible in using this device? 

First of all, I'm a proponent of having a preset age that your child knows he or she will be able to look into having a cell phone. I also encourage parents to decide if they want to get their kids a smart phone or just a "plain vanilla" model that doesn't connect to the Internet. 

Secondly, I love this idea that I recently discovered on the Huffington Post website. It's a contract that a pretty savvy mom drew up for her 13-year-old son who just earned the privilege of having a cell phone. In order to have a new phone, he had to comply with all 18 points...non-negotiable. 

Here are the 18 points she included in the contract:

1.It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

2. I will always know the password. 

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

So, do you employ a similar idea in your own home? Is this something you would be able to implement? How would you modify this contract to include some "faith at home" values? I'd love to hear from you!

The Ratings Game

It's probably safe to say that under many Christmas trees this year will be gifts of video games. Parents, are you aware of the ratings system that is placed on each game that is created?  You can visit this site, the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB), to get a complete description of what each rating means and determine if the games your child has requested are appropriate for their age and maturity.

As a reminder, these ratings are put in place by a non-Christian culture, so if a video game is rated "T" for teen or "M" for mature, keep in mind that's a secular view point. As a Christian parent, you may have stricter standards for what you will allow your child to ingest.  Two Christian-run sites you may find helpful as you make informed decisions about what you will purchase are Guide2Games and PluggedIn. They have game reviews and details, by Christians for Christians.

In light of the recent tragedy in Newtown, CT, violence is a very real part of the world we live in, and I'm a firm believer in making sure that we're not perpetuating that violence in our children through the video games they play.

Time to Diet?

If we look at Daniel's life as described in Daniel 1 in the Bible, we see a devout young man who has decided that the "king's delicacies" (food and wine) were not something with which he should defile himself. Instead, he asked for a diet of vegetables and water! I was pondering this and that led me to think about the "diet" of those of us in the Church. Now, I'm not talking about the food diet (though that could probably be addressed considering our love of potlucks!)  :-)  What I'm talking about is our "brain diet"...what things are we consuming, via our eyes and ears, that affect our thoughts, our spirit?

All  you have to do is Google something like "the effect of music on our brain", and you'll find myriad studies and articles that show brain scans and charts and graphs...all pointing to the fact that you are indeed affected by what you hear. Do a search for the effect of what you watch, and you'll find similar results. The bottom line is that we ARE influenced by things like television shows, music, YouTube videos, video games, the Internet, etc. etc. etc.!

Back to the diet analogy...what is it that you're habitually feeding on? What about your kids? The Psalmist in Psalm 101:3 says, "I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar." How much vileness and vulgarity is acceptable in the media we consume? How does a constant diet of vile and vulgar things affect our relationship with the Lord? I've often shared with young people that anything we allow to infiltrate our sight and our hearing should pass the "Philippians Filter" found in Philippians 4:8:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (emphasis mine)

Notice those last four words, "think about such things." What you're consuming will affect what you're thinking about. The more true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy things are, the better our thoughts will be. This won't just happen with a snap of the fingers...it has to be something we are committed to. Look at Daniel again, "But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king's food, or with the wine that he drank."  He RESOLVED. Other translations say "he determined", "he made up his mind", "he purposed in his heart". He was intentional in making the Lord his aim. For him, there was no other option.

So, how's your diet?

Information Overload

We live in a time unlike any other experienced in all of history. In mere seconds, news can travel from one corner of the world to the other via any variety of social media. We literally have the ability to contact people at our fingertips...any time of the day or night. Take a look at this statistic...as of March 2012, there were 644,275,754 active websites on the Internet, and that was an increase of over 30 million from the previous month. (Netcraft) Ironically, if you do a Google search for "information overload" there are over 8.5 million results to peruse! There is absolutely no shortage of information.  However, there IS a shortage of discernment when it comes to dealing with all of this information.

Some wisdom from Ecclesiastes 12:12--"But beyond these, my son, be warned: there is no end to the making of many books, and much study wearies the body." Would it be safe to say, in our current century that "there is no end to the making of many websites, and information overload wearies the body"?  I used to teach 7th grade, and part of our year included writing a research paper. As the years passed and the Internet was a larger tool in the classroom, my students didn't have a lack of information to use for their papers, and they were very savvy at searching it out online. I realized that my role was shifting more into teaching them how to find GOOD information, teaching them that just because it's on the Internet does not mean that it's true. The Amplified version of Ecclesiastes 12:12 amused me--"...Of making many books there is no end [so do not believe everything you read]..."

So what's a parent or a grandparent or a teacher or a youth worker to do? First, make sure you're having regular conversations with the children and students in your life about their media consumption...what are they viewing? What are they listening to? What pages are they "members" of? Secondly, make sure that you are teaching your child to be discerning. Jesus gave the charge in Matthew 10:16 to be wise as serpents but harmless as doves. 

Have you seen posts on places like Facebook that have a ring of propaganda or untruth to them? They usually involve some kind of "scam" that Facebook is supposedly running or something political in nature. And people repost them and repost them and repost them, assuming that they're fact. Quite often, they're not. A website I've used often to check the validity of these sorts of websites is www.Snopes.com. They have almost every urban legend known to man, they give the history of it, and they will let you know whether or not the information presented is fact or fiction.

Bottom line? We can't control the quantity or quality of the information that is "out there", but we CAN control our responses to it.