Purity for Life: Teaching Healthy Sexuality to Your Kids

I recently hosted a parent workshop with the topic of talking with your children about healthy sexuality and tying that into making a commitment to "purity for life," as it relates to the Legacy Milestone Model that our church has adopted. These kinds of gatherings are some of my favorite times, as it draws together parents of different ages and of various-aged children and allows great dialogue and conversation to happen.

Our format started with a young man of 25 years of age sharing what he wished he would have known about sexual health and relationships during his growing up years. It was a great springboard for the remainder of the evening. I then shared Jim Burns's short video clip called "Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality" (you must have a RightNow Media account to view this). We had some great discussion about the reality that kids are learning about sex from media, the Internet, their friends, and so on...so they better be hearing about it at home, too, from a biblical worldview. Ideally, these "at home" conversations will be happening proactively during the growing up years of a child, through adolescence and the teen years.

The bottom line of our gathering is that it is crucial for these conversations about sex, sexual health, pornography, modesty, and purity to be happening in an ongoing basis in our homes. God's design for sex is good! And it's important that our kids understand that.

Below are some resources that we mentioned at our gathering...I hope they're helpful to you as you tackle this very important (and very difficult and awkward) topic in your home! Please comment if you have a favorite resource that isn't listed below.

• Our senior high will be using Doug Fields's series "The Truth about Sex" (you must have a RightNow Media account to view this).
• Jim Burns is one of my favorite go-to gurus on the subject of talking with your kids about healthy sexuality. He encourages an approach of starting when they're just toddlers and having conversations that evolve over time and become more age appropriate and relevant to what your child is dealing with. Here are some of his books that were discussed at our gathering:
• God Made Your Body (ages 3-5)
• How God Makes Babies (ages 6-9) 
• The Purity Code (ages 10-14+)
• Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality 
• Dannah Gresh has a number of really quality books that tackle topics of sexual health, modesty, and purity. Check out her Amazon page here.
•  Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge contains helpful insight into how to prepare your daughter to combat the sexualized messages that the culture will be bombarding her with.
• Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker is filled with practical advice about how to have very frank and thorough conversations with your son about sexual integrity. 

Top 10 Reasons to Attend Open Boston 2015

This just in from the great folks who have organized the Open Boston youth ministry conference...

Open Boston is just under THREE WEEKS AWAY and we so hope that YOU are going to join us February 6th and 7th up on the North Shore of Boston! Here are the top ten reasons why you should join us in three weeks:

10. Swag - who doesn't like free stuff? Join us for Open Boston and we promise you, we'll hook you up with freebies worth more than the cost to register!

9. An AWESOME Raffle - On top of the free stuff we will give to everyone, we'll also raffle away some great prizes at the end of the conference. Our sponsors in the past have given out conference registrations, year-long curriculums, tickets to our annual Youth Worker Recharge, and more!

8. FREE Dinner on Friday Night - who's going to complain about a free meal...from Panera Bread too. Yum!

7. FREE Lunch on Saturday Too! - Yup, included in the registration cost is a second meal for the weekend! And Gordon College has some fantastic catering.

6. Joe Frey - we've upped our game as far as worship is concerned this year, as we'll be joined by New England musician Joe Frey. He'll be leading us on Friday night and Saturday morning. You can check out a sample of Joe here with a free download of his song Send: https://joefrey.bandcamp.com/track/send

5. Incredible Intensives - this year during our pre-conference on Friday we have two phenomenal options for you to check out. Social media expert Adam McLane will be leading Teenagers + the Small Screen from 1:30pm-3:30pm and then from 4:00pm-6:00pm, we'll have Scott Larson, as seasoned veteran with working with at-risk students, lead us in 10 Things Youth Workers Need to Understand about Reaching and Engaging at-Risk Youth for Transformational Change. (Did we mention that the pre-conference sessions are INCLUDED in the $25 conference registration!)
4. A Worship Service on Friday Night - as youth workers, we are constantly leading others. Here is your chance to just come, worship and take in God's word without any responsibilities or jobs! We're excited to have New England Youth Pastor Nathan Rockafellow sharing a message during our service from 7:00pm-8:00pm at Calvary Baptist Church in Peabody.
 
3. 15 New England Based Speakers to Choose From - we've got 15 awesome youth workers right from our back yard to choose from on a variety of topics all context sensitive to the ministry you are doing.

2. You Support a Local Ministry - 34% of every ticket sold for Open Boston will go to support Life Bridge Mentoring, a mentoring organization that is currently serving in 8 public schools in New Hampshire and Vermont and looking to expand! 

1. $25!!!!! - All of this - the pre-conference on Friday, Saturday's conference, the two meals, the swag, the worship service...all of it is just $25 per person! Seriously, it's the best deal in youth ministry when it comes to training! (We also have a great deal with a local hotel for $82 which included breakfast too! That means for a total of just over $100 you get three meals, lodging, the pre-conference and the Saturday conference!)

Parent Night of Prayer

Recently I facilitated a Parent Night of Prayer in our church, and it was such a blessing. In the process of organizing it I didn't come across many resources online, so I want to share with you here what we did, in hopes that it will be helpful for you and the families in your church.

Our evening started out with a brief time of instruction and sharing about parenting and the joys and challenges associated with it. Then we spent the rest of the evening praying. Some parents were by themselves, others were with their spouses. Each parent was given a card at their arrival that was hooked onto a binder ring. There were seven prayer "stations" scattered throughout the sanctuary, each had a different card which could be added to the ring, so by the time they went home, the would have a visual reminder of the prayer focuses and what God may have spoken to them in that time. Below I've listed (in no particular order) and explained each of the seven stations, and I've also included the JPEGs of each of the cards in case you'd like to use them.(Each card also includes a scripture passage that goes along with it.) (If you'd like the original Publisher files so you can edit them, please email me, and I'll be glad to send them to you!)

1. Cover card--title and date of prayer.
2. Pray for your child's safety online, watching TV, on social media, etc. At this station I set up a monitor, a TV remote, and an iPod touch as visuals of some of the items that young people interact with daily.
3. Thank God for the unique traits of each of your children. I had a table set up with a number of empty picture frames, reminding parents that each of their children is a "masterpiece" created by God.
4. Pray that your child will maintain their purity and avoid traps like pornography, premarital sex, and sexual immorality. This station was a table covered with a white table cloth, simple and reminiscent of purity.
5. Pray that your child will choose godly friends and role models as their primary influencers. I'm afraid that I didn't have any good visuals that came to mind for this station. If you have something, I'd love to hear your thoughts!
6. Pray for your child's future...spouse, career, God's call on their life, family, etc. At this station I had a picture of a baby progressing through each stage of life...growing up, teen, adult, senior citizen, with the caption "Remember, you're not just raising children...you're raising future adults."
7. Pray that your child will come to know Jesus and will follow Him on their life-long journey. I had a simple cross that we use on our communion table set up for this station.
8. Pray that your child will develop a hunger and thirst for the things of God (His word, prayer, fellowship with His church, etc.) I set this station up on our communion table, which has a large Bible, some shofars, and anointing oil.

I'd love to hear if you use this idea, how it goes, if you have additional ideas for parent prayer nights.

Here's Your Sign!

Sometimes I have random thoughts that go through my head, and today's revolves around a sign that Christ-followers may benefit from having near their televisions, laptops, on their phones and tablets. Psalm 101:3 seems like it was written just for today's media-drenched culture. I've included a number of different translations below to get a feel for the "flavor" of the verse. How do you and your family maintain purity before the Lord as far as what enters your eyes?

New International Version
I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.

Amplified
I will set no base or wicked thing before my eyes. I hate the work of them who turn aside [from the right path]; it shall not grasp hold of me.

New Living Translation
I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them.

English Standard Version
I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.

New American Standard Bible 
I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not fasten its grip on me.

King James Bible
I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

Holman Christian Standard Bible
I will not set anything worthless before my eyes. I hate the practice of transgression; it will not cling to me.

International Standard Version
I will not even think about doing anything lawless; I hate to do evil deeds; I will have none of it.

NET Bible
I will not even consider doing what is dishonest. I hate doing evil; I will have no part of it.

GOD'S WORD® Translation
I will not put anything wicked in front of my eyes. I hate what unfaithful people do. I want no part of it.

Jubilee Bible 2000
I will set nothing of Belial before my eyes: I hate the work of those that betray; it shall not cleave to me.

King James 2000 Bible
I will set no wicked thing before my eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

American Standard Version
I will set no base thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; It shall not cleave unto me.

Darby Bible Translation
I will set no thing of Belial before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

English Revised Version
I will set no base thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave unto me.

World English Bible
I will set no vile thing before my eyes. I hate the deeds of faithless men. They will not cling to me.

Young's Literal Translation
I set not before mine eyes a worthless thing, The work of those turning aside I have hated, It adhereth not to me.

The Introvert in Church

How an introvert may "recharge." :-)

I am an introvert. Typically, that statement will bring a host of preconceived ideas, definitions, and prejudices with it. In ministry, I think it's of the utmost importance to understand the different personality types that we work with, that we teach, that we disciple, that we mentor, and that we run into on a daily basis. The body of Christ is wonderfully multi-faceted, and it's a great thing to be able to celebrate those differences and value each other's contributions.

The day I discovered, understood, and embraced the fact that I am indeed an introvert was such a freeing day. I was able to more clearly see how God designed me, how to use that design for His purposes, and how to better function in this life. Now, let me clear something up...being an introvert does NOT mean that I am always quiet and hate people. I dearly love people and God has given me the gift of teaching, which means talking is something I enjoy doing (so long as there's some purpose in it!) What being an introvert DOES mean for me is that being around people "drains my tank." In order for it to get filled up again, I need doses of quiet and alone time with the Lord. Below are some resources that helped me gain a better understanding of how to function as an introvert in the church and in society in general, along with the strengths and weaknesses that can come with that personality. 

"For by the grace given to me I say to every one of you not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but to think with sober discernment, as God has distributed to each of you a measure of faith. For just as in one body we have many members, and not all the members serve the same function, so we who are many are one body in Christ, and individually we are members who belong to one another. And we have different gifts according to the grace given to us." Romans 12:3-6a

• Introverts in the Dearest Place--an insightful post from The Village Church 
• Introverts in the Church is a book by Adam McHugh. Check out his site and what people are saying about his book.
• Susan Cain has penned a book entitled Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Are you an introvert or extrovert? How do you appreciate and celebrate  differences in others? 

Does Your Child Have a Second Job?

According to a lot of the research "out there", kids are spending an average of eight hours per day consuming media. That's a full-time job with overtime! Fifty-six hours a week. Now I realize that this is an average, so if your children are not in this category, FANTASTIC! But consider with me the fact that this IS an accurate representation of many homes and many families in our nation. With the easy accessibility of YouTube, Netflix, Facebook, search engines, and all forms of apps, kids literally can have anything (and anyone!) right at their fingertips. That should give us cause to pause...

Do you want your child to be able to easily access images their mind is not yet ready to process?

Do you want your child to be able to "follow" people you don't know or have never heard of?

Do you want your child to have unfettered access to everything that is on the Internet?

My experience is that parents unanimously answer those questions with a resounding NO! But the next question is the clincher: so what are you doing about it?

There is no doubt that this generation knows their way around this tech-soaked world much better than you and I ever will. They are often referred to as "digital natives." They know the language, they know how to navigate to all the unknown places, and they can do it all very efficiently, with one hand tied behind their back! :-)

You and I are are NOT digital natives. We are more like digital visitors. Or digital transplants. In the colloquialism of our county in northern Maine, you and I are "from away" digitally speaking. However, that is not an excuse to ignore what these natives are doing. Take some time to familiarize yourself with the devices you have allowed your children to use. What apps are they using? Talk to a local geek or your Internet service provider about how to secure your system at home as much as possible.

And ultimately, build relationship with your child so you can help to form his or her heart into one that loves the Lord, that makes good decisions because they want to, because they desire to live a life that is holy and pleasing before the Lord.

Insight for the Untrained

As we dive into the new school year and the new church year, the Lord has been impressing upon my heart and mind the utmost importance of living in His word and living out His word. One of the primary verses that our children's and youth ministry team is building the year around is Psalm 119:130, "Your instructions are a doorway through which light shines. They give insight to the untrained." (NET)

As we minister to young people, we must never forget the immense privilege it is to handle God's message correctly (2 Timothy 2:15), the soul-reviving power found in His word (Psalm 19:7), and the sheer life-giving power of His word (Matthew 4:4). We are called to make the impression of God's word onto the children in our care (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

Sometimes something as simple as getting a new Bible can be the spark needed to ignite an excitement in God's word. In my position, I get to see a lot of the new products that come out in the Christian publishing world, and I love being able to pass along some of the "best of the best" that I come across. One of those is the Deep Blue Kids Bible. It is chock full of wonderful "helps" like an introductory page to each book of the Bible that gives a great rundown of the people, places, and things that you are going to encounter as you read. I'm extremely impressed with the quality of the readings, the engaging format, and the "user friendliness" of everything inside.

The Deep Blue website describes it in this way,

"Kids will dive deep into God’s word with the CEB Deep Blue Kids Bible. This engaging, interactive Bible offers four-color icons and illustrations throughout with a wealth of notes, devotionals, Bible trivia, and other interactive elements to capture inquisitive young minds. Plus the CEB Deep Blue Kids Bible will encourage a thirst for God’s timeless message as young readers join three life-like kids in discovering the Bible and what it means to their lives."

So how do YOU maintain enthusiasm for God's word in your life? In your home? What kinds of disciplines have you found to be helpful in keeping His message the most important one that you and your family hear?