The Truth about Pornography

Pornography. It's one of those areas that we all know exists, but having conversations about it can be really tough. Porn is pervasive and insidious. And it's increasing in its potency daily. And our children are not immune from its impact. One of the things I'm very impassioned with is helping parents have these conversations with their kids before their kids are "educated" via Google search or the lunchroom or the school bus.

No one is safe from the effects of pornography. Instead of wondering "if" you/your child/your spouse will be exposed to porn, we have to start asking "when" they will be exposed and what we can do to be prepared and informed to combat that. So what DO you do to prepare and inform yourself? I shared a message with our church recently, and I'm including links to resources that I shared during that message. If you know the facts and how to "fight back," you won't be caught off-guard when you have to deal with the issue of porn in your life of the life of a loved one.

• Fight the New Drug is a fantastic site launched by college students. Their slogan is "Porn Kills Love." They're making looking at porn unpopular and using very compelling arguments to support their case.
• 5 Things Every Parent Needs to Know about Their Kids and Sex by Anne Marie Miller. GREAT book with loads of practical advice!
• Good Pictures Bad Pictures is a comfortable, read-aloud story about a mom and dad who teach their child what pornography is, why it's dangerous, and how to reject it. Using easy-to-understand science and simple analogies, this ground-breaking book engages young kids to porn-proof their own brains.
• Beggar's Daughter by Jessica Harris incorporates statistics, stories from girls she's worked with, and even excerpts from her own journals, to give readers a candid glimpse into the heart, mind, and struggle of a female porn addict. 
• At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry is a book recommended by a local recovery group. For anyone going through their program, this book is required reading and comes highly recommended!
• The Conquer Series by Dr Ted Roberts has a lot of resources including videos and DVD courses. They deal extensively with the subject of accountability during their 5-week discipleship series.
• The Fortify Program: An online recovery program. Free for ages 13-20, 21 and older pay $39, which covers the fee for the 13-20 year olds. Sponsored through Fight the New Drug.
• Free Indeed Ministries exists to help those who struggle with relational and/or sexual brokenness. They have several different options, including specific courses for women who are dealing with porn/sexual brokenness.
• Dirty Girl Ministries by Crystal Renaud exists to provide women with help, hope and healing from pornography and sexual addiction. Founded by author and speaker Crystal Renaud in February of 2009, the mission of DGM is to break through the stigma that surrounds female porn & sexual addiction by creating safe spaces for women to find help, hope and healing. And to train up others to do the same.
• Covenant Eyes software/filtering monitors websites visited, search terms used, and YouTube videos watched, and lists them in an easy-to-read report that is designed to start a conversation about healthy online habits. Parents, see where your kids go online. Adults, reduce Internet temptations and protect the relationships you value most.
• Groups like The Exodus Road and A21 keep us aware of the fight against human trafficking and the massive amount of slaves in the world today. The link between trafficked individuals and pornography is very strong.

Finally, don't underestimate the power of accountability! Find people in your local church, in a local recovery group, amongst your friends or family who will be willing to help you in this journey. It. Is. Worth. It!

Freedom from Pornography

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to our church family about "Purity for Life," looking specifically at Jesus' words, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Matthew 5:8). "Purity for Life" aligns with Milestone 4 in our Legacy Milestone Model. The topic of purity is massive, covering areas of the heart, areas of the physical body, areas of our spiritual walk, relationships, media consumption, and so on. An area where I am seeing purity being compromised more and more is with pornography. Porn use by self-identified Christians is not much different than porn use among non-Christians. And the effects of porn can be devastating to relationships, future and present, and even to the brain's chemistry. Check out this free ebook from CovenantEyes.com on what those effects actually look like.

If you are finding that you or someone you love is struggling with pornography, there is hope and you are not alone. Below are links to some very helpful places online that can help you take those steps to freedom. Being part of a trusted community where accountability is available can be a crucial piece of overcoming this struggle. Praying that you or your loved ones can find the freedom that Jesus offers!

• XXX Church offers free pornography addiction help to those who need it. They do this through blogs, videos, and other resources.
• Free Indeed Ministries offers programs and resources to inviduals and to the local church to help "preserve our culture" and to "proclaim freedom to the captives." 
• Covenant Eyes provides Internet accountability and filtering along with great articles and resources to help overcome some of the difficulties of living in a world that is online. 
• Every staff member at Pure Life Ministries  is fully committed to bringing the hope, healing, and restoration found only in Christ to those who have been touched by the leprosy of sexual sin. Their site is filled with helpful resources and testimonials.
• iParent is a great site that helps families keep up to speed with the latest apps, games, devices, and social media trends. It's a must-visit site if you have children who have smartphones or any kind of digital device. 

If you have a Right Now Media account, this presentation from Sean McDowell called "Kids, Teens, and Pornography" was very eye-opening. https://www.rightnow.org/Training/Post/View/770104

Our senior high youth went through this series from Doug Fields called "The Truth about Sex" (on Right Now Media but also available in other formats): https://www.rightnow.org/Media/Series/4 

Chris's Internship Experience

Our church recently had the privilege of hosting an intern from England for a five-week block placement as part of his final year experience at Bible college. Here he sums up his experience in ministry in rural, northern Maine.

Chris’ Blog Post

So it’s been 5 weeks of Maine and my time has now come to the end. I could reflect on the weather for the next three pages alone probably. The sheer amount of snow, the piercing winds and constant freezing temperatures are more than any Brit normally has to endure. But I would rather reflect on the things about Maine that I didn't know before I came, rather than the things I came to expect.

I never expected there to be so much space. Wild, open forest land as far as the eye can see and the stillness of it all is in comparable to anything I have experience back home.

I never expected the community vibe that this small northern Maine town imbibes. Even on my first day here, when I was still groggy from jet lag, the people here have just been so welcoming and hospitable towards me.

And lastly I never expected that the Lord would be guiding me and building me up for this trip to Maine and during my stay here. My parents used to live out in America years ago and had a number of contacts that they gave me when I was looking for somewhere to go on my internship. The senior pastor at The Church on the Hill was one of those on the list. The reason I first decided to come out to northern Maine was because this pastor was the only person to take a personal interest in my spiritual growth so far. That said to me that this would be a place where people will take an interest in me and not just in what I can do. God has shown me through sermons, conversations and even nature itself the importance to taking care of your spiritual self in everything you do and I feel closer to Him now than I did before coming.

I hope that I have been able to show some of God’s glory in my life as I worked within the church and with the various children and young people. I believe God has big plans for northern Maine.

I finish now with thanks to all I have met and spent time with during these short 5 weeks and a blessing on all. May the Lord grow you and prosper you as you have for me in my time here.

God bless,
Chris

Purity for Life: Teaching Healthy Sexuality to Your Kids

I recently hosted a parent workshop with the topic of talking with your children about healthy sexuality and tying that into making a commitment to "purity for life," as it relates to the Legacy Milestone Model that our church has adopted. These kinds of gatherings are some of my favorite times, as it draws together parents of different ages and of various-aged children and allows great dialogue and conversation to happen.

Our format started with a young man of 25 years of age sharing what he wished he would have known about sexual health and relationships during his growing up years. It was a great springboard for the remainder of the evening. I then shared Jim Burns's short video clip called "Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality" (you must have a RightNow Media account to view this). We had some great discussion about the reality that kids are learning about sex from media, the Internet, their friends, and so on...so they better be hearing about it at home, too, from a biblical worldview. Ideally, these "at home" conversations will be happening proactively during the growing up years of a child, through adolescence and the teen years.

The bottom line of our gathering is that it is crucial for these conversations about sex, sexual health, pornography, modesty, and purity to be happening in an ongoing basis in our homes. God's design for sex is good! And it's important that our kids understand that.

Below are some resources that we mentioned at our gathering...I hope they're helpful to you as you tackle this very important (and very difficult and awkward) topic in your home! Please comment if you have a favorite resource that isn't listed below.

• Our senior high will be using Doug Fields's series "The Truth about Sex" (you must have a RightNow Media account to view this).
• Jim Burns is one of my favorite go-to gurus on the subject of talking with your kids about healthy sexuality. He encourages an approach of starting when they're just toddlers and having conversations that evolve over time and become more age appropriate and relevant to what your child is dealing with. Here are some of his books that were discussed at our gathering:
• God Made Your Body (ages 3-5)
• How God Makes Babies (ages 6-9) 
• The Purity Code (ages 10-14+)
• Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality 
• Dannah Gresh has a number of really quality books that tackle topics of sexual health, modesty, and purity. Check out her Amazon page here.
•  Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge contains helpful insight into how to prepare your daughter to combat the sexualized messages that the culture will be bombarding her with.
• Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker is filled with practical advice about how to have very frank and thorough conversations with your son about sexual integrity. 

Top 10 Reasons to Attend Open Boston 2015

This just in from the great folks who have organized the Open Boston youth ministry conference...

Open Boston is just under THREE WEEKS AWAY and we so hope that YOU are going to join us February 6th and 7th up on the North Shore of Boston! Here are the top ten reasons why you should join us in three weeks:

10. Swag - who doesn't like free stuff? Join us for Open Boston and we promise you, we'll hook you up with freebies worth more than the cost to register!

9. An AWESOME Raffle - On top of the free stuff we will give to everyone, we'll also raffle away some great prizes at the end of the conference. Our sponsors in the past have given out conference registrations, year-long curriculums, tickets to our annual Youth Worker Recharge, and more!

8. FREE Dinner on Friday Night - who's going to complain about a free meal...from Panera Bread too. Yum!

7. FREE Lunch on Saturday Too! - Yup, included in the registration cost is a second meal for the weekend! And Gordon College has some fantastic catering.

6. Joe Frey - we've upped our game as far as worship is concerned this year, as we'll be joined by New England musician Joe Frey. He'll be leading us on Friday night and Saturday morning. You can check out a sample of Joe here with a free download of his song Send: https://joefrey.bandcamp.com/track/send

5. Incredible Intensives - this year during our pre-conference on Friday we have two phenomenal options for you to check out. Social media expert Adam McLane will be leading Teenagers + the Small Screen from 1:30pm-3:30pm and then from 4:00pm-6:00pm, we'll have Scott Larson, as seasoned veteran with working with at-risk students, lead us in 10 Things Youth Workers Need to Understand about Reaching and Engaging at-Risk Youth for Transformational Change. (Did we mention that the pre-conference sessions are INCLUDED in the $25 conference registration!)
4. A Worship Service on Friday Night - as youth workers, we are constantly leading others. Here is your chance to just come, worship and take in God's word without any responsibilities or jobs! We're excited to have New England Youth Pastor Nathan Rockafellow sharing a message during our service from 7:00pm-8:00pm at Calvary Baptist Church in Peabody.
 
3. 15 New England Based Speakers to Choose From - we've got 15 awesome youth workers right from our back yard to choose from on a variety of topics all context sensitive to the ministry you are doing.

2. You Support a Local Ministry - 34% of every ticket sold for Open Boston will go to support Life Bridge Mentoring, a mentoring organization that is currently serving in 8 public schools in New Hampshire and Vermont and looking to expand! 

1. $25!!!!! - All of this - the pre-conference on Friday, Saturday's conference, the two meals, the swag, the worship service...all of it is just $25 per person! Seriously, it's the best deal in youth ministry when it comes to training! (We also have a great deal with a local hotel for $82 which included breakfast too! That means for a total of just over $100 you get three meals, lodging, the pre-conference and the Saturday conference!)

Parent Night of Prayer

Recently I facilitated a Parent Night of Prayer in our church, and it was such a blessing. In the process of organizing it I didn't come across many resources online, so I want to share with you here what we did, in hopes that it will be helpful for you and the families in your church.

Our evening started out with a brief time of instruction and sharing about parenting and the joys and challenges associated with it. Then we spent the rest of the evening praying. Some parents were by themselves, others were with their spouses. Each parent was given a card at their arrival that was hooked onto a binder ring. There were seven prayer "stations" scattered throughout the sanctuary, each had a different card which could be added to the ring, so by the time they went home, the would have a visual reminder of the prayer focuses and what God may have spoken to them in that time. Below I've listed (in no particular order) and explained each of the seven stations, and I've also included the JPEGs of each of the cards in case you'd like to use them.(Each card also includes a scripture passage that goes along with it.) (If you'd like the original Publisher files so you can edit them, please email me, and I'll be glad to send them to you!)

1. Cover card--title and date of prayer.
2. Pray for your child's safety online, watching TV, on social media, etc. At this station I set up a monitor, a TV remote, and an iPod touch as visuals of some of the items that young people interact with daily.
3. Thank God for the unique traits of each of your children. I had a table set up with a number of empty picture frames, reminding parents that each of their children is a "masterpiece" created by God.
4. Pray that your child will maintain their purity and avoid traps like pornography, premarital sex, and sexual immorality. This station was a table covered with a white table cloth, simple and reminiscent of purity.
5. Pray that your child will choose godly friends and role models as their primary influencers. I'm afraid that I didn't have any good visuals that came to mind for this station. If you have something, I'd love to hear your thoughts!
6. Pray for your child's future...spouse, career, God's call on their life, family, etc. At this station I had a picture of a baby progressing through each stage of life...growing up, teen, adult, senior citizen, with the caption "Remember, you're not just raising children...you're raising future adults."
7. Pray that your child will come to know Jesus and will follow Him on their life-long journey. I had a simple cross that we use on our communion table set up for this station.
8. Pray that your child will develop a hunger and thirst for the things of God (His word, prayer, fellowship with His church, etc.) I set this station up on our communion table, which has a large Bible, some shofars, and anointing oil.

I'd love to hear if you use this idea, how it goes, if you have additional ideas for parent prayer nights.

Here's Your Sign!

Sometimes I have random thoughts that go through my head, and today's revolves around a sign that Christ-followers may benefit from having near their televisions, laptops, on their phones and tablets. Psalm 101:3 seems like it was written just for today's media-drenched culture. I've included a number of different translations below to get a feel for the "flavor" of the verse. How do you and your family maintain purity before the Lord as far as what enters your eyes?

New International Version
I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.

Amplified
I will set no base or wicked thing before my eyes. I hate the work of them who turn aside [from the right path]; it shall not grasp hold of me.

New Living Translation
I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them.

English Standard Version
I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.

New American Standard Bible 
I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not fasten its grip on me.

King James Bible
I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

Holman Christian Standard Bible
I will not set anything worthless before my eyes. I hate the practice of transgression; it will not cling to me.

International Standard Version
I will not even think about doing anything lawless; I hate to do evil deeds; I will have none of it.

NET Bible
I will not even consider doing what is dishonest. I hate doing evil; I will have no part of it.

GOD'S WORD® Translation
I will not put anything wicked in front of my eyes. I hate what unfaithful people do. I want no part of it.

Jubilee Bible 2000
I will set nothing of Belial before my eyes: I hate the work of those that betray; it shall not cleave to me.

King James 2000 Bible
I will set no wicked thing before my eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

American Standard Version
I will set no base thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; It shall not cleave unto me.

Darby Bible Translation
I will set no thing of Belial before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

English Revised Version
I will set no base thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave unto me.

World English Bible
I will set no vile thing before my eyes. I hate the deeds of faithless men. They will not cling to me.

Young's Literal Translation
I set not before mine eyes a worthless thing, The work of those turning aside I have hated, It adhereth not to me.